20 June, 2025
Blog #1: Bored, Bored of Being Bored, Dumb Phones, Website This is my SECOND blog, and it WILL be interesting!!!! It's only been 4 days since my last post, but in summer terms that's like. 4 years worth of free time. So much has happened, like... napping... And.. and more napping.... Hm.....
Honestly I don't know what to do with myself?
I went ahead and did more work for summer school than I had to, and now I'm 2 weeks ahead, and now I REALLY have nothing to do. Which I guess means this is a really good time to dedicate myself and start working on this site more, but I feel so intimidated as a newbie webdev (If you can even call me that?). I have so many ideas and things I want to work on, but I'm always caught up in trying to do it the "right way". Like this blog page! I want to have it appear on the front page, updated with each new post to show like, the newest one? But everytime I try and start tackling that, it seems like a bigger and bigger project until I keep putting it off and I end up not working on the site at all.
HOW STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!! So I think the solution is just to let myself have a shitty website for the time being. I want to get to actually making the content, you know? And no ones really watching me while I stumble (except my besties who have been watching me stumble, love you guys).
Anyways, sort of related but I'm realizing a big part of my issues with making art/working on these bigger projects in general is how much easier I find it just to scroll on my phone and have an endless stream of entertainment at my fingertips.
I think it's making me docile, in a weird way. I used to have this itch when I was younger, to just make things. I think a lot of people can relate. I remember being in restaurants using crayons to draw on napkins -- being on sidewalks using sticks to make houses for bugs -- I remember this one time my parents were having a dinner party and left me alone with printer paper, scissors and tape. I made a dress, with straps and a flowing skirt-piece. I wore it out on the patio with the adults the rest of the night, really proud of myself, and obsessed with my creation. Part of me really, really misses that restlessness, because it was almost always followed by that necessary creativity to keep me entertained. The horrible part is that with my phone, I'm STILL BORED; scrolling on the internet doesn't scratch the itch, just makes me forget it's there. Which isn't what I want.
This is a very long way of saying I'm looking into getting a flip phone. A real clunker. I'm not really trying to abandon the modern internet, but I want to be more intentional about it. More selective? I want to be connected to my loved ones, but I don't want that to come at the cost of being connected to everything, everywhere, all at once, too.
I think this website is maybe a part of that switch, too. I used to have social media where I posted my art, but I could never keep up with the required output of posts, the changing of trends, etc. After a while, I got so tired of feeding into the endless attention abyss, and I haven't been back since. I realize in retrospect what I wanted was just some digital space to host my work, both as an archive for myself and a gallery for people to see me and what I make.
2/2 blog posts that are watered-down website manifestos, sorry not sorry!!!